Analysis of the Sample Essay

This essay provides a structured and nuanced examination of affirmative action, framing it within the broader ethical context of discrimination. It aims to present a balanced argument, acknowledging the intentions behind affirmative action while critically evaluating its implementation and consequences. The following sections break down its key components and strengths.

Thesis and Argument Structure

The essay establishes a clear thesis early on: 'while the aims of affirmative action are laudable, its implementation often falters, creating new forms of inequity and undermining the very principles of fairness it seeks to uphold.' This thesis acts as a guiding principle throughout the text. The argument unfolds logically, moving from foundational ethical principles (moral illegitimacy of discrimination) to the specific policy in question (affirmative action), its justifications, its critiques, and finally, alternative solutions. This structure allows for a comprehensive exploration of the topic, building a case step-by-step rather than presenting a series of disconnected points.

Evidence and Support

The essay supports its claims through a combination of philosophical reasoning and references to socio-political concepts. It invokes John Rawls and the 'veil of ignorance' to bolster the argument against discrimination. It discusses historical context (systemic racial discrimination) and common justifications for affirmative action (leveling the playing field, equality of outcome). While it doesn't cite specific empirical studies (which would be expected in a more research-intensive paper), it references the existence of mixed results and ongoing debates ('Studies have yielded mixed results...'). For a general essay, this blend of ethical theory and acknowledgment of practical complexities is effective. A more advanced paper might integrate specific data or case studies.

Organization and Flow

Paragraphs are well-organized, with each typically focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, guiding the reader through the progression of ideas. For instance, the essay moves from defining the moral illegitimacy of discrimination to explaining the rationale behind affirmative action, then to presenting critiques, and finally to proposing alternatives. This logical sequencing ensures coherence. The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis in a new light, reinforcing the essay's central message.

Tone and Style

The tone is academic, measured, and objective, even when discussing a contentious issue. It avoids inflammatory language and strives for a balanced perspective, acknowledging valid points from opposing viewpoints ('proponents argued,' 'critics argue'). This balanced approach lends credibility to the author's own position. Sentence structure varies, incorporating both complex sentences for nuanced ideas and simpler ones for clarity. The language is precise, using terms like 'distributive justice,' 'formal equality,' and 'substantive equality' appropriately.

Revision Opportunities

  • Specificity of Evidence: While philosophical references are strong, incorporating specific examples of affirmative action policies and their documented outcomes (positive or negative) could strengthen the empirical basis of the argument.
  • Addressing Counterarguments More Directly: While critiques are presented, a more explicit engagement with specific counterarguments (e.g., the argument that 'merit' itself is socially constructed and biased) could add further depth.
  • Nuance in Alternatives: The proposed alternatives are sound, but a deeper exploration of how to implement them effectively and ensure they don't create new forms of exclusion would be beneficial.
  • Defining Key Terms: While terms like 'discrimination' and 'merit' are used, explicit, brief definitions at their first appearance could enhance clarity for a broader audience.
Example of Addressing Nuance

Instead of a simple 'affirmative action is bad,' the essay states: 'While the aims of affirmative action are laudable, its implementation often falters, creating new forms of inequity and undermining the very principles of fairness it seeks to uphold.' This phrasing immediately signals a nuanced approach, suggesting the author will explore both the positive intentions and negative consequences, rather than taking an extreme stance.

Checklist for Evaluating Arguments on Affirmative Action

  • Does the essay clearly define its stance on affirmative action?
  • Does it acknowledge the historical context and goals behind affirmative action?
  • Does it present arguments both for and against the policy?
  • Does it engage with the ethical principles related to discrimination and fairness?
  • Does it discuss potential unintended consequences?
  • Are claims supported by reasoning, evidence, or references to relevant concepts?
  • Is the essay well-organized with clear transitions?
  • Does it offer potential alternative solutions or complementary strategies?
  • Is the tone objective and academic?